Since walking around the ship in a cement-encrusted uniform was disgusting, as well as prohibited by Starfleet regulations, Commander Kenigsberg made a brief stop at his quarters to change. After putting on a clean red uniform, Kenigsberg went over to his personal food dispenser. "Double gin and tonic," he ordered. A sweating tumbler, filled with alcohol and ice, appeared shortly thereafter, and, with two quick swigs, was polished off in no time.

Belching slightly, the commander left his quarters and entered the turbolift across the hall. "Bridge," he instructed the lift, which slowly began to ascend. Just before the lift doors opened onto the bridge, Kenigsberg straightened his uniform, using the "Picard maneuver."

"Bridge," announced the lift computer as the doors opened. The first officer strode out of the turbolift and walked toward the executive officer's chair as the turbolift doors closed behind him. The bridge, he noticed, seemed to be functioning normally, with officers manning their respective posts.

Kenigsberg sat down in his chair. The hiss of the pneumatic chair, adjusting to fit Kenigsberg's body shape, awakened Captain Chesin, who was sitting to the first officer's left. "Back already?" mumbled the captain, eyes half open. Kenigsberg made a look of faint distaste as the captain, receiving no answer from his exec, closed his eyes again and sleepily crossed his arms in front of him.

"Just ignore him, sir," said Lieutenant Burstein from the communications post. "He had a cold this morning and asked for a shot of friedmizine to stop the coughing. Only," he chuckled softly, "Dr. Silver accidentally gave him a quadruple dose of Nytol."

Commander Kenigsberg blew air out from between his teeth. "Incompetent," he muttered. A bit louder, he addressed the security officer. "Mr. Schader, remove this bag of flesh" -- he pointed toward the somnolent captain -- "from the bridge immediately. Bring him to his quarters or something."

The security chief, standing at his post behind Chesin, nodded slowly. "Duh, yes, Commander, sir," he said carefully, and walked around the rail separating his post from Chesin's command chair. At Kenigsberg's insistence, he picked the sleeping captain up and slung him over a massive shoulder, as though Chesin weighed only a kilogram. "Shhhh," whispered Schader, putting his forefinger in front of his lips, as he walked toward the turbolift.

Kenigsberg watched Schader, stooping, squeeze his huge two-and-a-half-meter, 150-kilo bulk into the turbolift. "Shhhh," repeated Schader, as before. Kenigsberg waved him off, and, as the turbolift door closed, almost on Schader's forefinger, assumed the command chair. "Report status!" he demanded.

Before anyone else could speak, Burstein said, "We've just received new orders, sir. We are to report to Starbase 25 immediately."

"Helmsman!" snapped Kenigsberg in response. "Plot course for Starbase 25!"

I hate being the helmsman, thought Ensign Levine as, acting upon Commander Kenigsberg's order, he entered a course for Starbase 25 into the navigational computer. I'd much rather be down in the greenhouse tending to my nasturtiums.

Levine finished entering the course. "Course laid in, Commander Kenigsberg," Levine said tiredly.

"Good," answered Kenigsberg, nodding. "Disengage all mooring lines and activate viewscreen."

"Aye aye," responded Levine, pushing more buttons. The massive cables that anchored the Schneider to its docking bay in Spacedock, orbiting Earth, dropped away, and the bridge's main viewscreen, directly in front of Levine and his station, came to life. The interior of Spacedock was visible. Levine could see several spacesuited figures waving their hands at the Schneider.

"Prepare for departure procedure," ordered Kenigsberg, straightening in his chair.

Levine was about to acknowledge the order when Lieutenant Burstein interrupted. "Uh, Commander?" he inquired, pursing his lips. "Don't you think we should ask the captain about this?"

Slowly Kenigsberg got up from his chair, straightening his uniform as he walked over to the communications post. "Lieutenant Burstein," said the first officer magisterially. "I am in command here. Not our sleeping captain. Is...that...clear?" he intoned, standing nearly nose-to-nose with Burstein.

The communications officer coughed, causing Kenigsberg to blink. "Sorry, Commander," apologized Burstein. "But I've already informed the captain." Burstein pointed to the personal receiver in his ear. "I have audio pickup from his communicator."

"Oh, really?" asked Kenigsberg, plucking the miniscule receiver from Burstein's ear. "Let me hear." Kenigsberg inserted the receiver into his own ear. "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz," came a noise from the receiver. Kenigsberg narrowed his eyes. "Lieutenant Burstein, what is that buzzing noise I hear? Is it interference from the captain's communicator?"

"Ah, no," said Burstein, suddenly looking as though he wished he had never proposed informing the captain.

"Well, what is it?" demanded Kenigsberg, as the buzzing noise continued to emanate from the speaker.

"Snoring, sir," said Burstein in a small voice. "It's the captain's snoring."

"Pah!" exclaimed Kenigsberg, removing the receiver from his ear and tossing it to the communications officer. "I'll make the decisions around here!"

"Oh, really?" came an amused female voice.

Kenigsberg spun around. Standing by the turbolift was Vice-Admiral Elalouf. "Greetings, Commander Kenigsberg," she said, apparently taking great pleasure at seeing the first officer cut down to size. "I'm in charge here." The admiral walked over to the command chair and calmly sat down. "We have a mission to accomplish."

"What mission might you be referring to, Admiral Elalouf?" asked Commander Kenigsberg tightly, balling his hands into fists. Clearly, he did not approve of the vice-admiral's nonchalant usurpation of the command of the Schneider.

"Oh, come off it, Kenigsberg," said the admiral, waving her arms dismissively. She crossed her legs and leaned back in the plush captain's chair. "It's just been a while since I've sat in the center seat, that's all. Boy, is it comfortable," she added, smiling pleasantly. "You may continue your departure procedure."

Kenigsberg nodded to Ensign Levine, who, well aware of the standard procedure for departing from dock, continued to push buttons on his navigational board, thinking all the while, The botany corps. I should have joined the botany corps.

As, under Levine's ministrations, the Schneider slowly began to back out of its docking bay, Commander Kenigsberg walked over to the first officer's chair and settled himself into it. "Very well, Admiral," he said deferentially, cooling off somewhat. "But you still haven't answered my question. What is our current mission?"

On the main viewscreen, the main doors of Spacedock began to grow larger as the Schneider approached. "Ah, yes, the mission," said Elalouf brightly, clapping her hands. "Would you like to see the encoded orders?"

Kenigsberg nodded.

The vice-admiral's eyes gleamed. "Splendid!" Shifting her weight in the command chair slightly, Elalouf reached into her jacket pocket and produced a folded piece of paper. She handed it to the first officer.

Kenigsberg took the paper and unfolded it. As he began to look it over, his eyes widened. "Admiral," he said, after failing to decode the paper, "what is this?"

"Ah. Well, that's part of the security encoding." Elalouf frowned. "No, that's not entirely true." Making vague gestures, the vice-admiral attempted to clarify her statement. "It's encoded for security."

"Well, I have top security clearance," pointed out Commander Kenigsberg. "Please give me the authorization code and I'll put it through the decryption computer."

Admiral Elalouf rubbed her chin. "You can't do that," she told Kenigsberg. "Well, I mean, you could do that," she amended, "but it wouldn't get you anywhere. That message is composed in Ronnese, a language the decrypt computer isn't familiar with."

"And I suppose the only people aboard this ship that understand Ronnese are..."

"Captain Chesin and myself," Elalouf finished Kenigsberg's statement.

"Actually, no," volunteered Lieutenant Burstein, who had apparently been eavesdropping. "As communications officer, I'm fluent in over six million forms of communication -- including Ronnese."

At that, Ensign Levine turned in his chair to face Kenigsberg. "So am I," he chimed in.

Elalouf had raised an eyebrow. "Well, whatever. Continue departure procedure and get that captain of yours up here. It's time," she intoned, "for a briefing."

Captain Chesin, asleep in his quarters, was awakened by the sound of the Schneider's impulse engines. What's going on? he wondered.

As Chesin rose from his bed and began changing from his Starfleet-issue pajamas into a standard duty uniform, he began to remember. He had had a cold that morning. "What a terrible cough!" Dr. Silver had exclaimed. "Let me give you a shot of friedmizine!"

After that, Chesin remembered being jabbed with a hypospray and Silver's subsequent cry of "Oops! That was Nytol!" Somehow he had gotten to the bridge, where he had fallen asleep. The last things the captain recalled were vague memories of being awakened by Commander Kenigsberg and being brought to his quarters by Lieutenant Schader.

Chesin smiled as he ran a comb through his spiky red hair. "I wonder if Mr. Kenigsberg has succeeded in getting me fired this time," he chuckled softly. The captain replaced the comb on the counter, next to the small, heart-shaped vanity mirror, and took out his auto-pasting toothbrush. As he began to cleanse his teeth, using small, circular strokes, he began to wonder about the Schneider's mission. Had Vice-Admiral Elalouf beamed up yet? If so, what was she doing? Was Kenigsberg giving her a hard time? Was the rendezvous going to occur as planned? Chesin stopped brushing and rinsed his mouth of the viscous yellow foam that had accumulated. It was time for him to assume command.

The captain exited his quarters and headed down the corridor toward the turbolift, thinking about his power-hungry executive officer. Should he request that Kenigsberg be transferred? They'd already served together aboard the Schneider for two years -- two agonizing years. Wasn't it time for Kenigsberg to be reassigned?

Chesin, slightly worried by now, arrived at the turbolift. With a hiss, the doors slid open, and the captain entered the lift car. "Bridge, double speed," he said briskly.

The turbolift beeped. "Double speed turbolift maneuvers may only be initiated during medical emergencies or other Class One situations. Authorization Epsilon is required to initiate double speed."

"This is Captain Chesin," spat Chesin, annoyed. "I have Authorization Epsilon. Now initiate double speed!"

"Working," replied the computer. "Authorization recognized. Initiating double speed."

Chesin was about to nod with satisfaction when, suddenly, he felt a tremendous weight on him, as though he had instantaneously gained twenty kilos. "Ohhhhhhhh," he groaned. It felt as though the turbolift's incredible upward speed, in addition to producing a loud, high-pitched wailing noise, was pushing his head into his shoulders. He was about to cancel the maneuver when the wailing abruptly ceased and the lift's doors opened.

"Bridge," said the computer primly.

With great effort, Chesin was able to stagger out of the lift. The brief double-speed ride had strained every muscle in his body. Breathing heavily, he dragged himself over to Vice-Admiral Elalouf, who was seated in the captain's chair. "Hello, Admiral," he said, and fainted.

"Pah," exclaimed Commander Kenigsberg, disgusted, upon seeing his commanding officer faint before his eyes.

Admiral Elalouf stared, wide-eyed, at Chesin's unmoving form. "Well," she finally was able to say, "I suppose this means we'll have to postpone the briefing."

Kenigsberg addressed Security Chief Schader, who was back at his post. "Get him out of here, Lieutenant," instructed the first officer, pointing to Chesin. Schader nodded solemnly, and, as before, slowly walked over to the unconscious Chesin and clumsily carried him toward the turbolift.

Elalouf had been watching Kenigsberg during this time, and had noticed that the first officer had not seemed upset or unnerved in the slightest. "Commander," she said, verbalizing it, "is this a frequent occurrence around here?"

"Yes," said Kenigsberg, as the turbolift swallowed Schader and Chesin.

The vice-admiral shook her head.

"Uh, Commander Kenigsberg? Admiral Elalouf?" said Ensign Levine from the helm. "We've just departed Spacedock and are free to navigate. May I engage the course to Starbase 25?"

Kenigsberg and Elalouf looked up at the viewscreen. Sure enough, Spacedock had vanished, leaving only a receding image of Earth. "Good work, Ensign," said Kenigsberg, somewhat unnecessarily. "Increase to full impulse power. When we leave the solar system, go immediately to warp speed."

Levine acknowledged the order with a nod and turned back to his station. Kenigsberg, unaware that Levine was continuing to think about how much he preferred botany over navigation, addressed Elalouf: "Levine is a fine helmsman."

The vice-admiral smiled and nodded. "Right." Clearing her throat, she continued in a louder voice, so the crew could hear. "Since the captain is currently, ah, incapacitated, I have decided to inform you of the Schneider's current orders. The Schneider is to proceed first to Starbase 25, where I will be dropped off." Elalouf paused. "All of you are aware, I'm sure, that I'm the commanding officer of Starbase 25, right?" she asked, a bit uncertainly.

"Yes, Admiral," said Kenigsberg, speaking not for himself but for the entire crew. Over the past two years, the Schneider had operated primarily out of Starbase 25. By needlessly involving herself in many of the Schneider's missions (although she justified such intervention by pointing out that she was, after all, an admiral), she had become well known among the ship's officers, especially Chesin and Kenigsberg, who continually butted heads not only with each other, but with her.

"Excellent," acknowledged the admiral, bright-eyed. She continued speaking. "Once I am back at my base, you will receive new orders from Starfleet Command -- through me. For now, just sit back and enjoy the ride. I don't want to be in charge of your ship -- I'll leave that to Captain Chesin." She paused. "Well, actually Commander Kenigsberg." She paused again, slightly confused. "Maybe we should have a briefing after all."