Nader in the Executive Branch. But not as president. As Secretary of Labor.

"The U.S. Department of Labor," says its web site, "is charged with preparing the American workforce for new and better jobs, and ensuring the adequacy of America's workplaces." Good so far. "It is responsible for the administration and enforcement of over 180 federal statutes" -- the Fair Labor Standards Act (check), the Occupational Safety and Health Act (ditto), and the Labor-Management Reporting and Disclosure Act (yup), to name just three.

Is this not an elegant fit? Nader even worked as a consultant for the Labor Department back in the sixties, when not-yet-senator Pat Moynihan was Assistant Secretary. All the next president would have to do to bring Nader full circle is appoint him to the top job.

And a good job it would be. Labor is a good place for a good old-fashioned fighting liberal, particularly one who licks his chops when asked to take on "protecting workers' wages, health and safety, employment and pension rights; promoting equal employment opportunity; administering job training, unemployment insurance and workers' compensation programs; strengthening free collective bargaining and collecting, analyzing and publishing labor and economic statistics." That's Labor's web site again, but it reads like a page out of Nader's battle-plans book.

Given this impressive list of responsibilities, and keeping in mind that this is exactly the sort of stuff Nader has been bellowing about for months, who would we rather see in charge of the Labor Department? Bill Safire, in the Oct. 26 New York Times, guessed that Gore would either appoint studly but inexperienced young Rep. Harold Ford Jr., a fellow Tennessean, or his campaign manager, Donna Brazile; Bush might go for bored New Jersey Gov. Christie Whitman. Uh, hello?

Of course, there's zero chance of a Secretary Nader, though Gore, if he scrapes by in today's election, could thus make amends with the formerly Democratic liberals who bolted Green. Still, even then, Nader probably wouldn't take the job. "Ralph Nader is not interested in joining the Democratic Party," sniffed Patrick Kearney, a Green coordinator in Davis Square. "Even if the impossible occurred, it's fanciful to think that Ralph would abandon the movement he's begun to go throw his support behind a Gore administration, one that he has vilified so vocally in the press."

Pride over politics, on both sides. Isn't that always the way?

I tried to get in touch with liberal former Labor Secretary Robert Reich to see what he thought of Nader's Departmental potential. Reich used to work up the street at the Kennedy School; after leaving Washington, he joined the faculty at Brandeis and devoted more time to his progressive magazine, The American Prospect. In searching for the Prospect's web site, I tried the URL www.tap.org; wrong address, but it turns out that the Taxpayer Assets Project, a group that "monitor[s] the management and sale of government property," was founded by -- Ralph Nader. Is that not an omen?

Unsurprisingly, I couldn't reach Reich. But then, he's started supporting school vouchers.

I did eventually find Reich's Prospect web site. "Under Reich's leadership," it boasts, "the Labor Department moved forward on several initiatives to build the skills of American workers. The department cracked down on unsafe work sites and fraudulent purveyors of pensions and health insurance. It initiated a national crusade to abolish sweatshops in the United States and to eradicate child labor around the world. ... [T]he Family and Medical Leave Act was passed and implemented ... [and] the minimum wage [was raised] for the first time since 1989." Are you listening, Ralph?

Let's say that by the end of today, the Green Party has managed to hoover up the five percent of the popular vote needed to secure federal matching funds for the '04 election. It's doubtful that Nader, at age 70, would run then; his presidential future is therefore toast. So why shouldn't he lobby for the Labor post? He's been begging millions for votes; surely it's no more demeaning to solicit an audience of one.

Fanciful? Well, yes, and it's too bad. It's pretty obvious that a Bush administration wouldn't fight for workers; the Labor Department under Gore would continue the centrist status quo that disgusted and prompted the resignation of Robert Reich. What a shame there's no room for Ralph Nader in the Cabinet.